An Outside Observer of Chronic Pain

An Outside Observer of Chronic Pain

How do you come alongside someone who are hurting?  It’s hard—painfully hard, unless you’ve lived it yourself.  The truth is, it’s impossible to fully grasp the weight of another person’s suffering.  Even after forty years as a wife, I am still mainly just An Outside Observer of Chronic Pain—my husband’s pain.

Still an Observer

I don’t always get it.  One part of me aches to be compassionate and understanding.  Another part of me gets frustrated and just wants it to go away.   How can I truly know what my husband endures?

Steve lives with chronic pain—relentless, life-altering migraines.  Unfortunately, I don’t have a clue what it really feels like.

The Long Road

Like clockwork, every other day, Steve has a migraine. Sadly, this unwelcoming rhythm has been twenty-five years in the making.  What began as an occasional annoyance has grown deep roots, gripping his life with stubborn, painful tentacles.

We’ve tried doctors, specialists, clinics, medications, break-through remedies and procedures. All with mixed results.  When pain is constant, you chase any glimmer of relief.  You search for answers.  You cling to hope.

The Ripple Effect

Unfortunately, Steve’s chronic pain doesn’t just affect him.  It affects our whole family.  It affects friendships and plans.

Half of Steve’s days are spent in bed.  Half of his life occurs in isolation, in a dark room, and in silent torment.  

On good days, Steve must decide: What do I have energy for today?  In his backlog of appointments, errands, and responsibilities, which does he prioritize?  He wants to tackle them all; but he can’t.  Steve doesn’t possess enough time or strength.  For tomorrow the pattern repeats:  pain, darkness, immobility, and loneliness.

I stand beside him.  Yet, I am still An Outside Observer to his Chronic Pain.

There is Hope

Chronic pain wears you down.  It tempts you to believe relief will never come.  It makes you question hope.  

Thankfully, Steve does not give up. 

Steve is a fighter. 

He is my hero.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him. So that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.  Romans 15:13 

Steve prays for relief.  He cries out to God for daily strength and perseverance.  He firmly believes there is hope because our God is a God of hope. 

An Outside Observer of Chronic Pain

I pray too.  I pray for Steve, and I pray for myself–that I will be more than just an outside observer.

I’m listening to the book, Nothing is Wasted by Davy Blackburn.  https://www.nothingiswasted.com/book It’s a heartbreaking story—but also a beautiful story of redemption and hope.  I highly recommend it if you or someone you love is suffering.

Prayer

Jesus, our family’s story includes chronic pain.  Too often my heart grows numb to Steve’s suffering.  Soften my heart.  Give me empathy and creativity as Steve’s helpmate.  Make me more than just An Outside Observer to Chronic Pain.  Amen.

Questions to Consider

1. Does your family’s story include suffering or chronic pain?  Explain.
2. What are some practical ways you support or come alongside those who are hurting?
3. If you live with pain, what do you need from others?  How can they help?