Choosing to Love God’s Way
I am always a little skeptical when I hear couples insist that they never argue. I simply don’t believe them. From my vantage point, conflict is a part of marriage or frankly any loving relationship. The real issue isn’t whether we fight, but how we fight. Unfortunately, I have much to learn about healthy disagreements and conflict resolution. The real question for me is will I Choose to Love God’s Way?
Everything I Don’t Want to Be
Love is not rude, is not self-seeking. Love is not irritable and does not keep a record of wrongs. 1 Corinthians 13:5 (CSB)
These words hit me hard this morning. Today they sting.
Sadly, rude, self-seeking, irritable, and remembering wrongs—all describe how I acted in a recent argument with Steve. The words capture everything I don’t want to be. Yet here I am—failing to walk in love—the kind of love that God calls me to—the love that my husband needs from me and I from him.
Improving My Skills
I walk outside to clear my head. As I ruminate about our argument, my eyes drift to our cornhole game on our back deck. This last Christmas, our son gave us a cornhole set, stamped with an emblem of the Oregon Ducks– his Alma mater and our family’s favorite college football team.
When our family plays cornhole, the kids tease me about my unusual throwing style. Apparently, my posture is out of alignment and my arm isn’t straight. There is no arch to my throw, and certainly no snap of my wrist.
Good grief!
Unfortunately, their assessment isn’t wrong. My pitiful score proves their point. I am simply not very good at cornhole. If I want to improve, I’ll need to adjust my technique and practice.
The same is true when it comes to conflict.
What is God’s Way?
May the God of endurance and encouragement, grant you to live in such harmony with one another in accord with Christ Jesus, that together, you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Romans 15:5-6
As I read these verses, certain words catch my attention. They are endurance, harmony, together, and one.
That’s interesting because in the heat of a disagreement, I’m quite sure my key words are me, myself, and I.
I’m especially drawn to the phrase… May the God of endurance and encouragement… Apparently, God knows that oneness doesn’t come easily. It requires perseverance. Living in harmony is like running a marathon. It involves distance and takes time. Thankfully, God is cheering me on from the sidelines–especially when my feet stumble and weariness sets in.
Choosing to Love God’s Way
So, I have a decision to make. Whom will I follow? Will I choose my own selfish desires, or will I Choose to Love God’s Way? It’s a question I must ask myself repeatedly throughout the day. Only by God’s grace, can I make the right decision and act accordingly.
Prayer
Oh Lord, I need Your help. In the heat of conflict, my selfish desires take over. Help my words bring life and peace instead of heartache and division. Amen.
Questions to Consider
- How do you keep God’s definition of love in the forefront of your marriage and relationships?
- How would you evaluate your ability to argue while still showing respect and honor?
- What tools do you find helpful when conflict arises?
